i look at my daughter asleep and i realize how lucky i am.
i look at my husband asleep and i realize how lucky i am.
damnit... no matter how things may be going in my life financially/with the car/etc... i'm lucky and happy.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
calm
ya know - i've noticed that i'm much more calm now that i have lola. sure, the tranny on my car is going out, but i'm not worrying about it like i should - i have no idea where the money will come from to fix it b/c we can't shit out $500-$1000 for a new transmission, but i refuse to stress over it. the only thing that stresses me out now is when she cries and i can't/don't know how to make it better. i like this low stress madie.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
her name is lola, she'll be a showgirl...
she's here. she's perfect. we adore her.
all did not go according to plan, but i don't give a shit b/c she's worth everything.
went in for cervadil sunday 8pm - contractions began around 9. pain set in and i tried to ignore it, when i realized that it was 2am and they were gonna let me take a shower at 5am and then start the pitocin at 6 am, i gave in to stadol (pain reliever) so that i while i wouldn't have slept, i would have at least have been rested.
at 9am i was given an epidural b/c i realized that if i couldn't handle cervadil contractions there was no way i could do pitocin contractions. my water was broken by another dr in dr stack's practice shortly thereafter. at that point i was still 1 1/2 centimeters.
dr stack came by around lunch time - i was still 1 1/2 centimeters.
multiple nurses checked me throughout the day - i was still 1 1/2 centimeters.
a nurse came by at 7:30 pm and checked me - said i was 4 centimeters.
dr stack came in immediately following her, double checked me (b/c i have a posterior cervix and he's familiar with me like that) - the nurse was wrong, i was now 1 centimeter.
i was failing to induce. my cervix was swelling shut from all the people messing with it. he said he'd give it one more hour and if no forward progress had been made that we could go on with a c-section.
at 9pm i was wheeled into the OR, at 9:16pm everyone (literally everyone - dr's, nurses, anesthesiologists, us) began to sing Copacabana, and at 9:18pm Monday, March 16, 2009 Lola Simone Paisley was born.
we were discharged from the hospital this afternoon. i'm super sore. i wish i knew how long this pain will last b/c i'm not used to be an invalid. the swelling in my legs hasn't gone down yet, but from what i was told, it'll get worse and then get better.
she's the most beautiful thing i've ever seen. i had no idea i could love something so much. everything about her is perfect to me, from her little mouth, to her little nose, to her little strawberry at the back of her head, to her big wide eyes and head full of hair. she's amazing.
nick is completely in love with her too. we like to just sit there and stare at her. he's so happy she's here and i've told him that he should get ready to be her superhero and prince charming all in one b/c that's how daddy's girls see their daddy's (i speak from experience).
the dogs are getting used to her. they really wanna just sniff her and sniff her, but we were limiting how close they got to her earlier b/c they were too hyper. they've begun to calm down, so we're going to start a better introduction process now.
but i just wanted to share... she's perfect!!
all did not go according to plan, but i don't give a shit b/c she's worth everything.
went in for cervadil sunday 8pm - contractions began around 9. pain set in and i tried to ignore it, when i realized that it was 2am and they were gonna let me take a shower at 5am and then start the pitocin at 6 am, i gave in to stadol (pain reliever) so that i while i wouldn't have slept, i would have at least have been rested.
at 9am i was given an epidural b/c i realized that if i couldn't handle cervadil contractions there was no way i could do pitocin contractions. my water was broken by another dr in dr stack's practice shortly thereafter. at that point i was still 1 1/2 centimeters.
dr stack came by around lunch time - i was still 1 1/2 centimeters.
multiple nurses checked me throughout the day - i was still 1 1/2 centimeters.
a nurse came by at 7:30 pm and checked me - said i was 4 centimeters.
dr stack came in immediately following her, double checked me (b/c i have a posterior cervix and he's familiar with me like that) - the nurse was wrong, i was now 1 centimeter.
i was failing to induce. my cervix was swelling shut from all the people messing with it. he said he'd give it one more hour and if no forward progress had been made that we could go on with a c-section.
at 9pm i was wheeled into the OR, at 9:16pm everyone (literally everyone - dr's, nurses, anesthesiologists, us) began to sing Copacabana, and at 9:18pm Monday, March 16, 2009 Lola Simone Paisley was born.
we were discharged from the hospital this afternoon. i'm super sore. i wish i knew how long this pain will last b/c i'm not used to be an invalid. the swelling in my legs hasn't gone down yet, but from what i was told, it'll get worse and then get better.
she's the most beautiful thing i've ever seen. i had no idea i could love something so much. everything about her is perfect to me, from her little mouth, to her little nose, to her little strawberry at the back of her head, to her big wide eyes and head full of hair. she's amazing.
nick is completely in love with her too. we like to just sit there and stare at her. he's so happy she's here and i've told him that he should get ready to be her superhero and prince charming all in one b/c that's how daddy's girls see their daddy's (i speak from experience).
the dogs are getting used to her. they really wanna just sniff her and sniff her, but we were limiting how close they got to her earlier b/c they were too hyper. they've begun to calm down, so we're going to start a better introduction process now.
but i just wanted to share... she's perfect!!
Monday, March 16, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
14 hours...
well... in about 14 hours i'll be at the hospital and they'll be starting cervadil... and in 24 hours they'll be starting pitocin to make contractions happen... and then sometime thereafter i'll be a mom and nick'll be a dad. scary.
ok, so it hasn't really hit home with me yet, ya know - but as of last night when i went to go to sleep, it started hitting.... and yea, i'm scared. i'm scared of labor, i'm scared of birth, i'm scared of bringing this little life home, i'm scared of not being a good mom.
i know it'll all work itself out and things'll be fine, but i'm still nervous. i've seen all the preparation videos, i've read all the books, i know what happens in emergency situations, i know what happens when all goes according to plan, i know what to expect and i know we'll do fine - but i've had 10 months to prepare and all of a sudden that doesn't seem like a long enough time.
i just want her safe and healthy and i want labor to go smoothly and quickly and i want the fear to go away :)
ok, so it hasn't really hit home with me yet, ya know - but as of last night when i went to go to sleep, it started hitting.... and yea, i'm scared. i'm scared of labor, i'm scared of birth, i'm scared of bringing this little life home, i'm scared of not being a good mom.
i know it'll all work itself out and things'll be fine, but i'm still nervous. i've seen all the preparation videos, i've read all the books, i know what happens in emergency situations, i know what happens when all goes according to plan, i know what to expect and i know we'll do fine - but i've had 10 months to prepare and all of a sudden that doesn't seem like a long enough time.
i just want her safe and healthy and i want labor to go smoothly and quickly and i want the fear to go away :)
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
another dr. visit
went to the doctor today.... well - nothing. not dilated any more than last week. i've done everything i can. i go into the hospital sunday night for cervadil to try and make me dilate and then around 6am on monday they'll start the pitocin - and if that doesn't work then i'll end up with a c-section monday. dr. stack said he's not too optimistic about me having a regular birth since i haven't done anything since last week - so, we'll see i guess. there are some advantages of a c-section - for one i'll get disability for 8 weeks instead of 6, lol - and then it'll save my girlie bits from getting ripped or cut, lol - so there are upsides. i just didn't want major surgery. oh well, it'll be ok
Sunday, March 8, 2009
rawr!
on the baby front - no news. i'll go see the doc again on tuesday afternoon and see what happens then. hopefully i'll be dilated more than 1/2 a centimeter - my induction is scheduled just in case i don't go on my own before then, but i'm crossing my fingers that i'll go on my own b/c i really don't want to have to be induced b/c i still really want natural/drug free birth and induction increases my chances of needing/wanting an epidural - but we'll see. as long as i get a healthy, happy baby that's the most important thing.
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