well things are getting kinda scary.

chris sent me, jonathan, and bobby and email saying we have to get invoices in and our numbers up by friday or else he'll be forced to make "immediate staffing decisions" – but we all know that bobby will never be fired b/c he's chris' best friend and the ops manager – and it seems highly unlikely that even though jonathan is a worthless employee, that they would fire him b/c he's got a penis and b/c he talks sports with them constantly – so that leaves me. i don't know if the email was meant to be directed towards any one person, but it felt like since there were only us 3 on the email and i know how this division works that the email was directed at me. even though if it came down to me and jonathan, i can do MUCH more than he can and would be willing to do much more to keep my job than he would. if you even mention more responsibility to him, he gets all huffy and mad – but i'll do it. if it was meant to be just a meaningless threat, then that's the cruelest thing i've ever heard of especially in these times – you can't threaten me with losing my job b/c it's too real of a possibility.
nick was sent home from work at 8:30 this morning – not fired or laid off, but sent home without pay b/c they didn't have anything for him to do – another terrifying thing – that means that the paycheck for the week of christmas will be tiny and that's something we can't afford.
we did the 4d ultrasound on saturday and it was cool and stuff, but den and kev said they'd pay for it, but they didn't, so that was unexpected and hurt us financially (in a serious way), but they're letting us use their home depot card to fix upstairs, so we're not going to hound them at all about it – i just wish we'd known b/c while it's awesome to do the 4d, it would've been better spent on bills and groceries. I just wish we'd known better and not even scheduled it. we could have waited till march to see her.
i'm trying really hard to maintain a positive outlook, but it's looking more and more downhill and that makes it difficult. this is christmas, it's supposed to be awesome and fun – but it's not. i got nick's presents before i knew that we were looking at no money, so he's gotten his presents, but i haven't gotten any and won't get any b/c we can't afford them and we can't even afford the $15-$20 we're supposed to spend on christmas presents at den and kev's and that's just super frustrating

I have the best husband in the world

I have the best husband in the world
He read one of my blogs on here and saw me saying something about not getting xmas presents b/c we can't afford it and he used some of the money he was saving for a computer for himself and got me my favorite perfume, a cd (that's awesome and by someone I never would've thought about getting a cd by), and a massager pillow for my aching back/feet/neck. Damnit he's awesome.

week 29

ok, well, i'm 29 weeks as of this past sunday. that's pretty awesome. got another 4d ultrasound b/c on the 13th we didn't get a very good pic of lola's face. this one was free (yay) and we got some better pics, but she still wanted to be a butthead and hide behind her cute little fist, lol.
i'm still doing fine. blood pressure is excellent, the swelling still sucks, but not much longer so i can make it.
mom's coming to get me at like 8:30 this morning to go shopping with her. she's gonna get some stocking stuffers and some baby stuff, so that's awesome.
dad and donna are gonna stop off friday on thier way out and take us shopping for the stroller (yay too), and stuff, that'll be fun too. they already gave me a boppy pillow and a couple maternity shirts for xmas on monday b/c they needed to make room in thier truck, lol.
it's been raining for like 24 hours - i wanted a white xmas, not a wet xmas - ick.
okee, that's all i know.

6 3/4 months - 27 weeks

she's moving alot now. nick can feel her when he touches my belly - and sometimes, when she kicks real hard we can see my belly move. it's still very strange to think that there's a person in there. still surreal.
we're done with xmas. i'm not getting that dishwasher that i really want. we just can't afford it. it's $200 we don't have. we gotta get upstairs done. we're waiting on the electrical which should hopefully be done sometime this week, so maybe next weekend we can finish up (that would be sweeeeet).
next saturday we go for the 4d ultrasound. it's gonna be awesome (i hope).
i don't know much new. i'm sick of being broke and ready to win the lottery, lol - who isn't though?

week 26 check up

well, i had another check up today - i'm 26 weeks 2 days - i freakin' gained 10 pounds in the past month (UGH!!!!!) and i noticed something new while looking in the mirror.... STRETCH MARKS!!!! i have them!!!! just to the right of my belly button in a clawing looking pattern going down to my pubic hair.... there's like 7 smallish ones.... i'm not really all that bothered by them. i mean, i always thought i'd freak out - but really, i'm not worried about them. i know they come with pregnancy and as long as i get a baby out of the deal, i think stretch marks are a fair trade... am i a weirdo? :)

moods at 25 weeks

last night i saw that nick didn't put a soda can in the trash and instead put it on the counter next to the sink. this flew all over me and i got SO mad that i stormed around the house at midnight picking up dishes and empty soda cans and stuff to clean up b/c the house was dirty (even though it really wasn't dirty). nick asked me what was wrong and i told him i was having "a moment" which he's used to by now, so he just let me freak out and then helped me breath deep and calm down. and once i calmed down i started crying about looking like a fat marshmellow with a tiny head and gigantic areolas - yea, i'm up and down mood wise
i'm hoping it passes after the baby's born in march, but i'm betting it'll at least last a little bit after the birth b/c my hormones will have to learn how to go back to normal.

24 weeks, 6 months!!!

ok, so on sunday lola turned 24 weeks. she's moving alot lately. still kinda slight movements, but stronger than they were, it's awesome. i think this weekend we're going to get going on the upstairs, which means that soon we'll be able to get lola's room ready - which is a great relief. yay for family helping, b/c without them, i don't know if we'd get it done in time.
nick and i went to arkansas with dennis and kevlyn and the whole dodd side this weekend, that was cool. nick got a little hurt, stupid 4-wheeler's, but he'll be ok.
other than that, i dunno much else.
oh yea, i need boots, but dad and donna said they were gonna send some money to help get those, so i'm totally looking forward to that b/c as of now i only have 1 horrid pair of slip on tennis shoes that i can wear with my swollen tootsies. so that'll be nice since it's so cold outside.
btw, cold weather rocks my socks.

23 weeks

went to methodist germantown today and had a tour of the hospital. it's nice. i wish you did labor, delivery, and recovery in the same room but it'll be fine (recovery is a different room on a different floor). i think it'll be nice there. not much new. lola's still moving every day, most the day , her movements are getting less spastic and more purposeful (best word i can think of). that's all. me and nick are excited and can't wait.
it still blows my mind that i'm going to be a mom, nick's gonna be a dad, we're gonna be parents.

historic election day

well - today's the day we either elect our first black president or our first female vice president. either way it's a win for a group of people that have been looked upon as less than worthy (both blacks and women, i mean) - and while i was really really rooting for hilary for president, obama got the nomination and i can't vote republican - so go obama.

as for lola poo - she's fine. had a doctor's visit yesterday, got to hear her heartbeat. next visit i have to hae a glucose tolerance test to check for gestational diabetes (normal test for all pregnant women). so i have to drink this god-awful orange syrup and get my blood taken within an hour and hopefully i don't have it. i don't think i do. other than my swollen feet/ankles, i feel fine. my blood pressure (the top number) is a little higher than normal, but they said it's ok (i'm normally 120/80 and this last time i was 134/78). so all's well.

22 weeks = 5 1/2 months

woohoo. over half way there. today's my next OB appt. nick can't come today, but it's ok.
dyed my hair back to (mostly) it's natural color yesterday. nick says it's really pretty and he prefers it. i gotta get used to it, but i think i like it too.
well, nothing interesting to say. :)

thai food rocks my baby’s socks

she likes thai food. i've decided this b/c i ate thai for lunch and she moved almost constantly for an hour. kicking and thumping and poking and whatever the hell else she was doing in there. her movements are getting stronger, so that's cool. i know eventually they'll get to the point where they hurt, but right now they're cool :).
i'm so excited it's almost christmas! i love christmas. it rocks.
oh she's moving again.
we're totally going to have a hyper baby. lol. it's gonna be awesome.

One of those Days

Today is one of those days. One of those days where I just don't feel happy or chipper or anything really. I don't want to cry or laugh or yell. I'm very blah. Lola keeps moving, that's an awesome thing but I'm so emotionally blah today that it's not helping (don't get me wrong, it's awesome, but it's not like making me jump outta my seat). I hate days like this. I went to Wendy's for lunch and ordered the wrong thing, I tried to get it corrected at the window, which they did but not without an attitude – I called up a vendor to check on an order and they were "so busy" that they didn't even let me finish a sentence when all I want to know is why does it take a month to send our customer their order – I have to wear these pants that aren't comfortable b/c now that my tummy's getting bigger I only 2 have pairs of comfortable pants and the others are pants that I shouldn't have bought (although I didn't realize it at the time, my bad). We need tires for Nick's truck like something fierce and we may have to forego Christmas entirely to get tires for him – which is not what I want to do, but if we have to then we have to. Today is just so very blah.
Yesterday we had a meeting at work, telling us that while he can't guarantee that we won't be laid off if the economy gets worse, our boss is trying his best to keep it from happening. That's great and stuff – but unfortunately you can't put much hope in that speech b/c he is the division manager, but he's got bosses and they've got bosses and those people are the ones that determine lay offs. I just want to stay employed with health insurance long enough to have the baby. After that we'll figure something out. Nick's insurance for the baby is free, but to add me it's $400 a month – that's ridiculous, and I don't know what we could give up to make up for it – oh well, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
Nothing's done upstairs. We've had to use every penny we've managed to save – we have to get it done by March, there's no way around it. I don't know how we'll do it, but we have to b/c Lola's gotta have a room and Nick's gotta have a place to put his stuff (a climate controlled, decent place – just the attic or a shed isn't a viable option). Ugh.

she’s moving

she's been moving for about 3 minutes now... just random little punches about an inch below my belly button.
this is awesome.

she kicked!

well last night was our anniversary and nick and i were laying in bed watching tv and he laid his head on my belly to try and hear her (like he always does, so sweet) and she kicked... and kicked him in the ear and HE FELT IT TOO!!!! yay! i'm so glad. that was awesome. now i'm just waiting for her to move some more.

20 weeks - November 2008

well hello month 5! i'm half way there - half way to baby time!!!! we went to margaret and charlie's yesterday (my god parents) and they (along with their friend/nurse mary) got us a gigantic box of cute as can be baby girl clothes in size newborn and 3 mos! woohoo for cute stuff. we have an antique dresser in nick's room (where the nursery will be) but there's a broken drawer and i've been trying to figure out how to get it fixed, but nick had a good idea - use the open space for like diaper and lotion and wipes and such storage. it's too tall for me to put a changing table pad on it, but from what i hear i probably won't be using a changing table that often, so we'll see what i do :) i still haven't felt her move too much. just a few times. i want her to move more!!!! now!!!!! ok, that's all.

paranoid, but better safe than sorry

ok - girl stuff - that's all the warning you get boys and people with weak stomachs...

ok, so i was leaking, and it freaked me out b/c i didn't know if it was normal discharge or pee or what, b/c i read when you're pregnant you have more discharge than normal, but i also read scary things about leaking amniotic fluid and dead babies and i got scared and called the doctor, and they had me come in at 11 today and everythings fine. it's just discharge... getting to hear her heartbeat made all the fears go away and then the doctor did a quick pelvic and confirmed that she's fine/i'm fine/we're fine - so i'm better now. just had a mini panic attack. probably b/c this is the first pregnancy for me and i don't really know what's normal and what's not :)
but like i said... better safe than sorry.
yay for healthy babies!!!
:)

19 weeks today

19 weeks along. woohoo! almost half way there. i want her to move more :)

she poked me :)

so, i got my first real movement today. it was very light, felt like she poked me twice from inside. i'm sure it was a kick, but since she's tiny and stuff it felt like a light poke. i want her to do it again... but i know it'll take a bit before it becomes an all the time/common thing.

it’s a girl!!!!!! - mid-October 2008

it's a girl!!! lola simone paisley. and she already has a cute nose! :)

swelling feet

alright, well - after this weekend i noticed that the swelling in my feet and ankles only happens when i'm at work. this whole weekend i didn't have a single bout of swollen lower extremities - (and so far none today even though i'm at work, knock on wood) - but all last week while i was at work i had edema issues like a mad woman. weird.

tomorrow's the day!!! let's hope the baby's got my no modesty genes and shows us what it is!! i'm sick of calling it an "it", it feels wrong, lol - i wanna say "him" or "her", "colin" or "lola" - and i know i was all about little girls and stuff before - and don't get me wrong i'd still love one with pink and ribbons and glitter - but i realized that a little boy would be awesome too. a little man to grow up and love me and be one of those boys that doesn't let you talk bad about his momma, with stinky, dirty hands ready to hug me, and digging in the dirt and being an uber boy and throwing his toys on the side of his bed to help me clean up, lol - a boy would be wonderful too. i think i've just been scared of a boy b/c i'm not a boy and don't know how to care for one - but if it's a boy, i'll learn just fine.
if it's a girl i'll just have a head start b/c i've got tons of hello kitty toys, lol
well, that's all i know. i'll let ya know whether we have twig-n-berries tomorrow or not!!

nausea

so i'm nauseous. haven't been hungry the past couple days, i've eaten, but it's like nothing is what i really WANT. i eat b/c i know i need to but not b/c it's super yummy, but i have no idea what i actually want to eat.
had to buy a couple pairs of shoes today b/c mine won't fit comfortably anymore... turns out i've gained a 1/2 shoe size - yay swelling/water retention/edema/whatever the heck it is.
i need a nap. i wish i could go home now. i'm tired. it's sleepytime. i wish i could take a bath but we don't have a drain stopper and rigging something is much more effort than i care to put into it.
in 6 days we find out the baby plumbing!! yay!!!

shoes, grrr

So my feet are swollen. They go up in size, they go down – depends upon my body that day – today they're swollen and I can't wear my normal shoes so I have to wear flip flops b/c they're all I have that'll fit comfortably. Chris mentioned something about it and I said, "This is all I can wear b/c my feet are swollen." And he said, "Yea, mine are too" in this real sarcastic tone of voice. I'm sorry, but I'm serious. That was really really rude. I want to b*tch slap him.

it’s not edema - it’s GRRRRRedema

swollen feet are ugly... cankles are gross - i don't get it. most the books say swelling is more prominent in the third trimester - if that's true then god help me b/c my feet'll explode come then. maybe i'm not drinking enough water. i have sausages for toes. i'm putting my feet as "up" as i can while i'm at work... i can only comfortably wear flip flops (damnit it's almost fall/winter). i go next week to the doctor, but he'll be out of the office that day so i'll have to see a nurse practioner... i'll mention it to her. i think i need a nap.

17 weeks!

i'm showing. not a whole lot, but i'm definately pregnant and wouldn't be mistaken for fat. got clothes from motherhood maternity with liz, that was fun. dad came into town and i got to see him for a couple hours. i'm going to have to have my wedding ring resize while i'm pregnant b/c my fingers are swollen, which sucks, but it'll be ok. i'm super excited about finding out what the baby is. i've been lookin at the 11 weeks pics and i think it's a girl - but i'll be happy no matter what it is b/c it'll be my baby :).
well, i dunno anything else.

damn maternity clothes!!!

it's like every place in TN thinks that women don't get pregnant and wouldn't enjoy purchasing maternity clothing from their store! there's very few places in town that have maternity clothes and those that do have the smallest, most pathetic selection that it's laughable. i found out old navy in collierville sells maternity clothes - so i left work early and drove out there (excited as could be) and left with this hollow feeling inside b/c they had 6 styles of shirts to choose from and 2 styles of pants, along with a sad little clearance rack - i got 3 shirts (clearance) that i'm ho-hum about but i got 'em b/c i need clothes. i don't get it! not every woman can afford to shop at a pea in the pod. i'm going to motherhood maternity tomorrow with liz and i just hope they have a better selection at not a gigantic price - i went online and ordered 2 sweaters from the gap and 1 pair of pants from old navy all on sale (still ended up being $100). this is retarded. ugh.

3 weeks!!!

in 3 weeks (10/07/08) we will know what it is swimming in my belly - penis or vagina - woohoo!!! then we can finally decide on colors and names and all that!! MAGIC!

15 weeks

food aversions/issues: well... i really didn't expect food to be an issue for me while pregnant, especially considering i didn't have morning sickness, but it is. i have come to realize that meat is disgusting! gross, stinky, ick. i made turkey burgers last night... they smelled like dog food. nick said they were good. i ate a tomato sandwich instead b/c i took one bite and it even TASTED like dog food. i like bacon, sausage, hot dogs, and any kind of fish/seafood - if it's not one of those 4 things i'd prefer veggies.... this doesn't mean i'm not partaking in the junk food, i am (not as much as i'd expected), but i'm sticking more to good for me things like tofu and veggies and stuff like that.
got some belly bands today - they're these neat things you wear over your belly (they start under the boobs and end around mid-hip) to make it look like you have on another shirt and they help hold up pants that aren't maternity pants (so i have some work pants i really like that i can't button, so i can wear one of these over it to hold 'em up). mom got 'em for me. so that's awesomeness.
gotta pee...again....millionth time today... later

14 weeks

well, i'm 14 weeks now - cool. i'm back to my normal energy level. i know this b/c i just cleaned the whole house (except the kitchen, that's nick's). i even dusted the walls and mopped the floors. it looks much better than it has.
one of my cousin's is going to give birth any day now so that's cool, we'll have babies around the same age :)
i want another ultrasound when i go to the doctor, whaaa.
i won't get one until october when we find out what it is though... but i want one EVERY time i go so i can see it wiggle :)

sick sick sick

ugh i'm sick!!! snotty nose, SORE throat (no coughing), i've used a box of kleenex in a night and i haven't taken anything b/c i don't know what's safe... so if i'm still icky tomorrow i'll call the doctor and find out what i can take... i've just been drinking herbal tea with honey. this sucks. rawr.

more baby stuff

So, before, when I thought I was having round ligament pains, I was wrong – it was just cramps from the prenatal vitamins. Now I am actually having them – sucks. Wakes me up at night. Feels like a strained muscle and hurts really sharp for like 5-10 seconds, then it's gone. Weird. It's cool though. Normal and stuff. I'm glad I'm finally in the 2nd trimester. I got a pregnancy journal from Davis Kidd, and it's cool and stuff, but there's not enough space to write what I feel in there. It's more like you put your date down and it tells you day by day the changes in your body. So that's cool and I'll keep it, but it's not like how I feel and stuff. I wanna get a scrapbook and print out my posts and stick them in there and put the baby pics and stuff in it.

officially 3 months today!

well, here it is. second trimester. cool. feels the same. :)

pregnancy induced carpal tunnel

so for the past 2 nights, i've slept on my left side (as all the pregnany books and stuff tell you to) and for the past 2 nights my right arm has fallen asleep (it's moreso my hand/wrist than my whole arm but i feel the prickling up my arm) - apparently there is such a thing as pregnancy induced carpal tunnel syndrome and this is common/normal and it sucks and i have to wait until at least march for it to go away. ick. it's cool and stuff, but i wish i could miss out on this little bit. :)

new ultrasound

went to the doctor again - they did a test for down syndrome so i got another ultrasound - this time it was an over the tummy ultrasound (was afraid it wouldn't work b/c i'm so overweight) - it's so cute!!!!! when i would laugh it would bounce around in my uterus and it was wiggling and moving around like crazy. nick was there, which made it more awesome.
i have to meet with their "patient representative" next time i go to go over insurance stuff - man i know what my insurance covers, i want them to not get it wrong. no stress, no stress - had enough of that lately, no stress, deep breath - om om om things will work out well, this i know :)
screw it, i'll just think of the cute little baby wiggling around in my belly and that makes all the stress go away :)

don’t feel different

i still don't feel pregnant - i know i'm more tired, my bowels aren't as awesome as they were, my aereola's are getting bigger (ick) as are my boobs... but i still don't feel pregnant... then again, i dunno what "pregnant" feels like - but i don't think this is it. i wanna show. i wanna show but i know that since i'm a chunky butt girl that it'll take longer b/c i'll just start to look fatter before i look pregnant.
kinda bad timing on my part, i was losing weight and doing well... then i went and got knocked up, lol - oh well, i'm still a member at the gym so i'll be hitting it as soon as i can.
not going to school this year. the financial aid department at crichton had me screwed up and i would end up having to take time off midway thru the year for the baby, so it's really best - bittersweet kinda. i don't know if i would have been able to pay enough attention being pregnant and stuff. oh well :)

baby’s 1st picture

so i went for my 1st prenatal today. i thought it was just going to be blood work and stuff (that's what everyone said) so nick didn't go with me... and what did they do? an ultrasound!! i hate he missed it, but there will be plenty more and i have a picture for him too. the minute she turned the monitor to face me i saw it and knew where the heart was and the little arm buds and i super teared up and tried not to cry and then when she turned on the sound so i could hear its little heartbeat it was everything in my power to not burst into super duper tears. it was awesome. nick'll hear it. next time it'll be bigger :)
anyways... without further ado... baby paisley!!! (and i had to scan the picture to a pdf, then screenprint and paste this into paint to get a dang image, so the pic i have for real looks much better than this):

round ligament pain

so i wondered... what is "round ligament pain"? now i know... it's like a strained muscle pain. it comes on strong and sharp, lasts like... a minute... and then goes away.
jesus i'm bored today.

fart

well... nothing new. had sushi last night (cooked shellfish, back off) and it had hot stuff on it... and HALLELUJAH i actually got to USE the bathroom instead of just hang out in it... i guess i need a tablespoon of hot sauce with every meal to keep me regular, lololol - god i'm gross sometimes.

we're totally broke, and it's scaring me - i don't know how we're gonna save up money to fix the upstairs - i mean, i know the family's gonna help and stuff, but it just seems so damn daunting... and getting the room ready and nursery stuff and all that... and then maintaining the house while i'm on maternity leave b/c i only get 2/3's of my paycheck and i have NO IDEA how we'll pay the bills with that. we live paycheck to paycheck, we have NO savings, we have NO extra. yea, we went out for sushi... and we shouldn't have AT ALL b/c we CAN'T afford it... but we did it anyways (dumb, i know)... nick doesn't have a car, so that means the baby transport will ALWAYS be on my shoulders - on school days i'll HAVE to go get it from daycare, bring it home and then rush back out to school and hope i'm on time - but if he had a car, he could pick it up - but we CAN'T AFFORD a car... i just wanna win the lottery, lol - not a million bucks... just enough to pay off some bills and make life a bit easier... maybe like $100K, then we could pay off bills, get nick a car, and stick some in savings... geez that'd be nice...

dad and donna sent me a gift card for sears - got a bra and some pants (b/c i've been so bloated that mine haven't been fitting very well), so that's awesome.
just in case: DAD I CALLED TO SAY THANKS BUT GOT YOUR MACHINE. I'LL CALL AGAIN LATER (he reads my blog, lol).

i'm constantly tired. if i poo, it wears me out... if i wash a dish, i'm exhausted... if i walk from my car to the office, i'm barely holding my eyes open - i hope this doesn't last the whole time (i'm sure it will). this lady at work asked me if i thought it was twins b/c i'm so tired already - shit... that's my response to that question - shit... there are 2 sets of twins on my mom's side of the family (in the "great" section of lineage) - so it's not likely, but not impossible. i get to have my fist gyno visit next week on the 29th. yay for my gyno. granted, i haven't seen him in a couple years, but i hope he's still awesome.

okee, i'm gonna find something to watch on tv.

pooooooooooooooooooo

oh my god i feel like crap. pregnancy is not fun. i can only hope that after the first trimester it gets better - otherwise i don't know if our kid will have any siblings, lol.
if i don't have a headache, i have constipation/gas cramps (which hurt and make me cry), or - and this is new - i'm so hungry that it HURTS... since when did hunger hurt so much? and after more than a couple hours of being awake... i'm tired. i've napped more than i did in college in just the past 6 weeks. i took a laxative which helped with the constipation, but didn't help with sleeping thru the night. i keep waking up to go sit on the toilet and pray for something to happen and i ended up taking my bathrobe with me this morning and wadding it up on the counter so i would have a soft place to rest my head while i sat and waited.
i know, i know - you're thinking to yourself, "my what a yummy topic! i'm so glad i read this post"

registering

ok, we registered at babiesrus (and are in the process of registering at target too). since we don't know the sex i put in stuff for both girl rooms and boy rooms and i'll delete the incorrect one once we find out :)

morning sickness

i think i'm really lucky. i haven't had any morning sickness. i got the farts, the poops, the stupid mood swings, but at least i'm not vomiting
i haven't been eating well, so i went to kroger and got some carrots and celery and ranch dressing. i can eat that and it'll be good for me and stuff...

there needs to be some website where you can go and beg for money that you don't have to pay back. that would be awesome b/c we need money but we can't pay it back. being broke sucks. ugh!

i like artichokes.
this is a totally fucking random post.
rawr.

moody

on my god i want to rip eyeballs out right now. maya whined at me and i want to scream. this has GOT to pass NOW. i have no reason to be this irritated but i AMMMMMMMMM FUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
this fucking sucks.
oh hormones can fucking die and go to hell!!!!!!!!!!~!!!!

i have to take a shower or something to try and calm down, this is retarded - and what's worse is that i know it's retarded and i can't fucking stop it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pregnant grossness

ok, i warned you... other than headaches and being tired... i got the runs... and i want them to stop but i can't take anything safely and it's retarded and i fart alot... and i looked and apparently these are both also common symptoms of pregnancy... so i'm gonna be a fart poo monster for at least the first trimester... and i'm tellin' ya... these farts could kill an elephant... it's actually quite embarassing when i'm at work... i gotta figure out something about that. maybe put a dryer sheet or something down my undies, lolololol.

ok - boy name that i like: elijah henry (henry is nick's granddad's name)
i have a lot more but that's my favorite of the moment...
girl names are another story... i think i like jude or river or skye... oh hell i dunno.

why

why do people always have to bring up that whole, "don't get too excited until after the 1st trimester" thing? neither nick, nor i have any history or family history of miscarriage - so why do they have to do that? nick hadn't even thought of that until today when someone said it to him and now he's terrified (i, on the other hand have been since i found out even though i know it's ok).

also, what's sad is when you hope that certain friends will be excited for you when they find out you're expecting... but you find out that they could care less... even though you know that they feel that way b/c of a lack of happiness in their current relationship and they're jealous that you have what they want -- it's still sad and disappointing.

oh well. i'm happy, nick's happy, we both really want this little jelly bean.

ugh...

is it normal for me to be terrified that i'm gonna see my period every time i go to the bathroom? i'm sure it is, but it's still this fear in the back of my mind. i'm so excited to be having a baby (even if i'm not showing or having a whole lot of symptoms yet) that i'm terrified it's gonna just go away...
cried over a vitamin water machine taking my money today. dork... i know...
went to the gym and did yoga, but only half-assed b/c my doc isn't seeing me until i'm 9 weeks so i don't know if it's really ok for me to do it or not... i would bet it's ok and i'm sure walking is fine, but i just don't want to overdo it...

headaches

so i've been getting these monstrous, icky, tension headaches.
normally i'd just pop an excedrin migraine or 4, but i can't now... looks like acetaminophen is OK to take while pregnant... and of COURSE there's none in the house.
oh well, it's cool.
went to the library and got 6 or 7 million books on pregnancy and birth and stuff like that. ya know, even if i end up having it in hospital, i still want natural birth, and when i see dr. stack in july i'll make that clear (unless it's breach or there's a problem and then we'll go from there in the best manner possible).
started thinking of names... no definites yet.
a girl name i really like is elizabeth lucille, call her lucy.
a boy name i really like is eli, or jonah (dunno what other name goes with those).
also: zoe, liv, sun, ryder, mei, hayden, riley

one thing i can definitely say is that i'm glad this baby isn't being born to my 15 year old self, otherwise it'd be named Seattle Rayne (swear to god i thought that name was magical at 15) - and that would just be sad sad sad.

just for me

When the line turned pink - I wrote this to baby:
6/27/08 – took a test today. faded pink line. knew i should wait and do it again tomorrow.
got impatient… took another one, different type. the word "not" wasn't shown.
i cried.. the happy kind of cry.
your daddy doesn't know yet. aunt liz and aunt lucy do. laura at work does (she was the person that determined that it really was a faded pink line for me). trying to decide when to tell him… should i wait and see dr. stack first?
wow.
how am i going to have you? i want natural… daddy's gonna have to get used to that idea if he hasn't thought about it before (which, since he's a dude, i'm sure he hasn't).