her name is lola, she'll be a showgirl...

she's here. she's perfect. we adore her.
all did not go according to plan, but i don't give a shit b/c she's worth everything.
went in for cervadil sunday 8pm - contractions began around 9. pain set in and i tried to ignore it, when i realized that it was 2am and they were gonna let me take a shower at 5am and then start the pitocin at 6 am, i gave in to stadol (pain reliever) so that i while i wouldn't have slept, i would have at least have been rested.
at 9am i was given an epidural b/c i realized that if i couldn't handle cervadil contractions there was no way i could do pitocin contractions. my water was broken by another dr in dr stack's practice shortly thereafter. at that point i was still 1 1/2 centimeters.
dr stack came by around lunch time - i was still 1 1/2 centimeters.
multiple nurses checked me throughout the day - i was still 1 1/2 centimeters.
a nurse came by at 7:30 pm and checked me - said i was 4 centimeters.
dr stack came in immediately following her, double checked me (b/c i have a posterior cervix and he's familiar with me like that) - the nurse was wrong, i was now 1 centimeter.
i was failing to induce. my cervix was swelling shut from all the people messing with it. he said he'd give it one more hour and if no forward progress had been made that we could go on with a c-section.
at 9pm i was wheeled into the OR, at 9:16pm everyone (literally everyone - dr's, nurses, anesthesiologists, us) began to sing Copacabana, and at 9:18pm Monday, March 16, 2009 Lola Simone Paisley was born.
we were discharged from the hospital this afternoon. i'm super sore. i wish i knew how long this pain will last b/c i'm not used to be an invalid. the swelling in my legs hasn't gone down yet, but from what i was told, it'll get worse and then get better.
she's the most beautiful thing i've ever seen. i had no idea i could love something so much. everything about her is perfect to me, from her little mouth, to her little nose, to her little strawberry at the back of her head, to her big wide eyes and head full of hair. she's amazing.
nick is completely in love with her too. we like to just sit there and stare at her. he's so happy she's here and i've told him that he should get ready to be her superhero and prince charming all in one b/c that's how daddy's girls see their daddy's (i speak from experience).
the dogs are getting used to her. they really wanna just sniff her and sniff her, but we were limiting how close they got to her earlier b/c they were too hyper. they've begun to calm down, so we're going to start a better introduction process now.
but i just wanted to share... she's perfect!!

induction and birth

14 hours...

well... in about 14 hours i'll be at the hospital and they'll be starting cervadil... and in 24 hours they'll be starting pitocin to make contractions happen... and then sometime thereafter i'll be a mom and nick'll be a dad. scary.
ok, so it hasn't really hit home with me yet, ya know - but as of last night when i went to go to sleep, it started hitting.... and yea, i'm scared. i'm scared of labor, i'm scared of birth, i'm scared of bringing this little life home, i'm scared of not being a good mom.
i know it'll all work itself out and things'll be fine, but i'm still nervous. i've seen all the preparation videos, i've read all the books, i know what happens in emergency situations, i know what happens when all goes according to plan, i know what to expect and i know we'll do fine - but i've had 10 months to prepare and all of a sudden that doesn't seem like a long enough time.
i just want her safe and healthy and i want labor to go smoothly and quickly and i want the fear to go away :)

another dr. visit

went to the doctor today.... well - nothing. not dilated any more than last week. i've done everything i can. i go into the hospital sunday night for cervadil to try and make me dilate and then around 6am on monday they'll start the pitocin - and if that doesn't work then i'll end up with a c-section monday. dr. stack said he's not too optimistic about me having a regular birth since i haven't done anything since last week - so, we'll see i guess. there are some advantages of a c-section - for one i'll get disability for 8 weeks instead of 6, lol - and then it'll save my girlie bits from getting ripped or cut, lol - so there are upsides. i just didn't want major surgery. oh well, it'll be ok

rawr!

on the baby front - no news. i'll go see the doc again on tuesday afternoon and see what happens then. hopefully i'll be dilated more than 1/2 a centimeter - my induction is scheduled just in case i don't go on my own before then, but i'm crossing my fingers that i'll go on my own b/c i really don't want to have to be induced b/c i still really want natural/drug free birth and induction increases my chances of needing/wanting an epidural - but we'll see. as long as i get a healthy, happy baby that's the most important thing.

yay clean house!

so mom just left. she came over today to help us clean the house totally and get it ready for lola-poo. so now the house is spic and span and it's fabulous. i don't even think it was this clean when we first moved in, lol. i got all my office stuff put up too so our desk/computer area is much more work-y and i like it. i've got a headache from bending over so much. mom kept telling me to stop, but i just can't let her do it all herself. she's my mom, not my maid - but damnit the house looks amazing and fabulous and YAY!!! so now i'm just relaxin' and chilling out and waiting for lola to show up. i'm hoping for sooner rather than later, but worst case she'll be here on the 16th :)

week 39 = slow progress.....

went to the doctor yesterday afternoon.... he said i'm maybe a half a centimeter dilated - which yes that's progress, but it's still damn near nothing. we decided that we'll do induction on the 16th at 8:30 am at methodist germantown - i can't drink or eat ANYTHING (no water, no ice, nothing) after midnight the night before... and if i'm still not dilating, then i'll probably be checked into the hospital on the 15th and get cervadil first and then induced the next morning - so.... we'll see. i'm hoping that she'll come on her own though, that's why i'm waiting till a week after my due date before doing induction.
i've taken almost all my stuff home from work. i just have a picture of me and nick, a couple pens, and my baby journal left, and i plan on taking all but the picture of me and nick home today (i have to have a picture of us wherever i am b/c he's my honey bunny and i'm mushy like that).
oh, random thought that proves i'm a retard - nick and i have been together almost 7 years now... and in the beginning when i would make him a sandwich that required a condiment that came from a squeeze bottle, i would squeeze a heart shape of the condiment onto the bread for his sandwiches... yea, i still do that. so he gets hearts of mustard and hearts of ketchup on his sandwiches and burgers. i don't know why i just randomly felt like telling that, but i did, so there it is.
i'm starting to worry about losing this weight after lola's born. i'm also starting to try and guess how much of it is water weight considering how swollen my legs are. i know i can lose it, i can - heck, if i lost 2 lbs a week then within a year i will have lost 104 lbs - so that's cool b/c 2 lbs a week is a doable/feasible/not too far out there goal, but i just dread having to do it, lol. it's ok though. i think nick and i are gonna (excuse me, nick is gonna b/c right now i can't do much of anything, lol) take the dining room table apart and put it in the attic so we can get the treadmill out and leave it in the dining area so i can use it after lola's born and dr. stack says i can exercise again - and then i won't have to roll it around and stuff.
i'm so ready to have this baby. i watch baby shows on tv and it still amazes me that a little life form is going to come out of me and she'll be precious and fabulous and perfect.
ok, i think that may be a contraction... i should walk and see if it makes it go away b/c it's definately lasting more than 30 seconds and it feels like a super bad period cramp. ok it's gone. that sucked.
mom's coming by this saturday to help us clean again, which is super helpful b/c we can do it ourselves, but having another set of hands just makes it go by so much quicker and it gets done better too - so that's awesome.
well, that's it i guess....

robocop

so, i dunno if i've actually had contractions or not. everyone says i'll know when i have one, but i've just had back pains and period type cramps and they go away quickly (nowhere near teh 30 seconds to a minute and a half they say they should last), so i'm guessing nothing much is happening on the baby-being-born-soon front, but that's ok.
this week is my last week at work before maternity leave - YAY. i'm so excited by that statement that i could pee myself.
the past few weeks i've decided i need things to read. so i read the twilight books - all 4 of 'em... yea, um... so i'm not one of those twilight freaks, but they're really good. i think the longest it took me to read one was like 2 days and that was just b/c i forgot it at work one night, lol. now i need another series to read. what i find funny is when someone sees the books (which average 600 pages each) and makes a comment about them being "too long" or "too thick" to read -- obviously they aren't readers. if they were, they'd never make that ignorant comment (even if you don't like the series, you wouldn't make that comment b/c there may be other books, you as a reader, would enjoy that could be that long).
i'm now addicted to kanye west's album 808's and heartbreak. it's super fabulous. i like it much more than his graduation album - it's a different style of music that i much prefer to the traditional hip hop - rap genre.
i'm so ready to not be pregnant anymore.
i'm also so ready to get away from work for a while. yes, a baby is work too, but it's not office work and red tape and bureaucratic bullshit and idiots.