yay

i look at my daughter asleep and i realize how lucky i am.
i look at my husband asleep and i realize how lucky i am.
damnit... no matter how things may be going in my life financially/with the car/etc... i'm lucky and happy.

calm

ya know - i've noticed that i'm much more calm now that i have lola. sure, the tranny on my car is going out, but i'm not worrying about it like i should - i have no idea where the money will come from to fix it b/c we can't shit out $500-$1000 for a new transmission, but i refuse to stress over it. the only thing that stresses me out now is when she cries and i can't/don't know how to make it better. i like this low stress madie.

her name is lola, she'll be a showgirl...

she's here. she's perfect. we adore her.
all did not go according to plan, but i don't give a shit b/c she's worth everything.
went in for cervadil sunday 8pm - contractions began around 9. pain set in and i tried to ignore it, when i realized that it was 2am and they were gonna let me take a shower at 5am and then start the pitocin at 6 am, i gave in to stadol (pain reliever) so that i while i wouldn't have slept, i would have at least have been rested.
at 9am i was given an epidural b/c i realized that if i couldn't handle cervadil contractions there was no way i could do pitocin contractions. my water was broken by another dr in dr stack's practice shortly thereafter. at that point i was still 1 1/2 centimeters.
dr stack came by around lunch time - i was still 1 1/2 centimeters.
multiple nurses checked me throughout the day - i was still 1 1/2 centimeters.
a nurse came by at 7:30 pm and checked me - said i was 4 centimeters.
dr stack came in immediately following her, double checked me (b/c i have a posterior cervix and he's familiar with me like that) - the nurse was wrong, i was now 1 centimeter.
i was failing to induce. my cervix was swelling shut from all the people messing with it. he said he'd give it one more hour and if no forward progress had been made that we could go on with a c-section.
at 9pm i was wheeled into the OR, at 9:16pm everyone (literally everyone - dr's, nurses, anesthesiologists, us) began to sing Copacabana, and at 9:18pm Monday, March 16, 2009 Lola Simone Paisley was born.
we were discharged from the hospital this afternoon. i'm super sore. i wish i knew how long this pain will last b/c i'm not used to be an invalid. the swelling in my legs hasn't gone down yet, but from what i was told, it'll get worse and then get better.
she's the most beautiful thing i've ever seen. i had no idea i could love something so much. everything about her is perfect to me, from her little mouth, to her little nose, to her little strawberry at the back of her head, to her big wide eyes and head full of hair. she's amazing.
nick is completely in love with her too. we like to just sit there and stare at her. he's so happy she's here and i've told him that he should get ready to be her superhero and prince charming all in one b/c that's how daddy's girls see their daddy's (i speak from experience).
the dogs are getting used to her. they really wanna just sniff her and sniff her, but we were limiting how close they got to her earlier b/c they were too hyper. they've begun to calm down, so we're going to start a better introduction process now.
but i just wanted to share... she's perfect!!

induction and birth

14 hours...

well... in about 14 hours i'll be at the hospital and they'll be starting cervadil... and in 24 hours they'll be starting pitocin to make contractions happen... and then sometime thereafter i'll be a mom and nick'll be a dad. scary.
ok, so it hasn't really hit home with me yet, ya know - but as of last night when i went to go to sleep, it started hitting.... and yea, i'm scared. i'm scared of labor, i'm scared of birth, i'm scared of bringing this little life home, i'm scared of not being a good mom.
i know it'll all work itself out and things'll be fine, but i'm still nervous. i've seen all the preparation videos, i've read all the books, i know what happens in emergency situations, i know what happens when all goes according to plan, i know what to expect and i know we'll do fine - but i've had 10 months to prepare and all of a sudden that doesn't seem like a long enough time.
i just want her safe and healthy and i want labor to go smoothly and quickly and i want the fear to go away :)

another dr. visit

went to the doctor today.... well - nothing. not dilated any more than last week. i've done everything i can. i go into the hospital sunday night for cervadil to try and make me dilate and then around 6am on monday they'll start the pitocin - and if that doesn't work then i'll end up with a c-section monday. dr. stack said he's not too optimistic about me having a regular birth since i haven't done anything since last week - so, we'll see i guess. there are some advantages of a c-section - for one i'll get disability for 8 weeks instead of 6, lol - and then it'll save my girlie bits from getting ripped or cut, lol - so there are upsides. i just didn't want major surgery. oh well, it'll be ok

rawr!

on the baby front - no news. i'll go see the doc again on tuesday afternoon and see what happens then. hopefully i'll be dilated more than 1/2 a centimeter - my induction is scheduled just in case i don't go on my own before then, but i'm crossing my fingers that i'll go on my own b/c i really don't want to have to be induced b/c i still really want natural/drug free birth and induction increases my chances of needing/wanting an epidural - but we'll see. as long as i get a healthy, happy baby that's the most important thing.

yay clean house!

so mom just left. she came over today to help us clean the house totally and get it ready for lola-poo. so now the house is spic and span and it's fabulous. i don't even think it was this clean when we first moved in, lol. i got all my office stuff put up too so our desk/computer area is much more work-y and i like it. i've got a headache from bending over so much. mom kept telling me to stop, but i just can't let her do it all herself. she's my mom, not my maid - but damnit the house looks amazing and fabulous and YAY!!! so now i'm just relaxin' and chilling out and waiting for lola to show up. i'm hoping for sooner rather than later, but worst case she'll be here on the 16th :)

week 39 = slow progress.....

went to the doctor yesterday afternoon.... he said i'm maybe a half a centimeter dilated - which yes that's progress, but it's still damn near nothing. we decided that we'll do induction on the 16th at 8:30 am at methodist germantown - i can't drink or eat ANYTHING (no water, no ice, nothing) after midnight the night before... and if i'm still not dilating, then i'll probably be checked into the hospital on the 15th and get cervadil first and then induced the next morning - so.... we'll see. i'm hoping that she'll come on her own though, that's why i'm waiting till a week after my due date before doing induction.
i've taken almost all my stuff home from work. i just have a picture of me and nick, a couple pens, and my baby journal left, and i plan on taking all but the picture of me and nick home today (i have to have a picture of us wherever i am b/c he's my honey bunny and i'm mushy like that).
oh, random thought that proves i'm a retard - nick and i have been together almost 7 years now... and in the beginning when i would make him a sandwich that required a condiment that came from a squeeze bottle, i would squeeze a heart shape of the condiment onto the bread for his sandwiches... yea, i still do that. so he gets hearts of mustard and hearts of ketchup on his sandwiches and burgers. i don't know why i just randomly felt like telling that, but i did, so there it is.
i'm starting to worry about losing this weight after lola's born. i'm also starting to try and guess how much of it is water weight considering how swollen my legs are. i know i can lose it, i can - heck, if i lost 2 lbs a week then within a year i will have lost 104 lbs - so that's cool b/c 2 lbs a week is a doable/feasible/not too far out there goal, but i just dread having to do it, lol. it's ok though. i think nick and i are gonna (excuse me, nick is gonna b/c right now i can't do much of anything, lol) take the dining room table apart and put it in the attic so we can get the treadmill out and leave it in the dining area so i can use it after lola's born and dr. stack says i can exercise again - and then i won't have to roll it around and stuff.
i'm so ready to have this baby. i watch baby shows on tv and it still amazes me that a little life form is going to come out of me and she'll be precious and fabulous and perfect.
ok, i think that may be a contraction... i should walk and see if it makes it go away b/c it's definately lasting more than 30 seconds and it feels like a super bad period cramp. ok it's gone. that sucked.
mom's coming by this saturday to help us clean again, which is super helpful b/c we can do it ourselves, but having another set of hands just makes it go by so much quicker and it gets done better too - so that's awesome.
well, that's it i guess....

robocop

so, i dunno if i've actually had contractions or not. everyone says i'll know when i have one, but i've just had back pains and period type cramps and they go away quickly (nowhere near teh 30 seconds to a minute and a half they say they should last), so i'm guessing nothing much is happening on the baby-being-born-soon front, but that's ok.
this week is my last week at work before maternity leave - YAY. i'm so excited by that statement that i could pee myself.
the past few weeks i've decided i need things to read. so i read the twilight books - all 4 of 'em... yea, um... so i'm not one of those twilight freaks, but they're really good. i think the longest it took me to read one was like 2 days and that was just b/c i forgot it at work one night, lol. now i need another series to read. what i find funny is when someone sees the books (which average 600 pages each) and makes a comment about them being "too long" or "too thick" to read -- obviously they aren't readers. if they were, they'd never make that ignorant comment (even if you don't like the series, you wouldn't make that comment b/c there may be other books, you as a reader, would enjoy that could be that long).
i'm now addicted to kanye west's album 808's and heartbreak. it's super fabulous. i like it much more than his graduation album - it's a different style of music that i much prefer to the traditional hip hop - rap genre.
i'm so ready to not be pregnant anymore.
i'm also so ready to get away from work for a while. yes, a baby is work too, but it's not office work and red tape and bureaucratic bullshit and idiots.

ugh, induction woes

ok, so i'm super swollen and sick of being pregnant and sore and i'm just over it and i vomit up everything i eat b/c the congestion has turned to drainage and the stomach acid is retarded so i can't hold down more than a few mouthfuls of food at a time and this sucks... but i'm 38 weeks and not even a little bit dilated... so my doc had said if i want that we can induce on my due date... and i originally thought that yea that would be a great idea - but if i'm not dilated by march 9 (my edd), and we induce, that means we'll have to use cervadil first and THEN induce and that makes it all the more painful and the nurses have told me that most times those women (the ones that had to be forced into dilation with cervadil) end up being the ones that "fail to progress" which just means that the doc doesn't want to wait any longer and so they do a c-section and i DO NOT want a c-section... so i'm going to put off induction until the next week (march 16) and hope and pray i dilate by then and hopefully go on my own (there is a full moon right around my due date)... i just started thinking about it last night and i really don't want to be one of those women that ends up being cut open just to make things easier on the doctor. i don't want to think/assume that my doc would be that way... but it is very common that it happens that way and i don't want to be one of them. and since i only have a set amount of time i can take off from work, i have to be thinking about that. so i will get induced no later than march 16 regardless of what's going on b/c by then i will have already lost 1 week that i could have had with my baby and i don't want to lose 2 weeks, ya know... i just really really don't want a c-section (unless medically necessary).

3 weeks left...

well, we got another ultrasound for estimated weight today - 7 lbs and the ultrasound tech said that they normally overestimate by about a half pound, so she's really more like 6.5-7 lbs - so i'm totally ok with that b/c i've been scared of having a big baby b/c nick's side of the family has gigantic babies. she's got a full head of hair too, which they could see in the ultrasound, that was awesome. i'm still not dilated at all, but dr. stack said that next visit we can go on and schedule the induction and just hope i go on my own before then - i'm not waiting past my due date, not with this swelling. this whole time i've been pregnant and swollen people have asked me if my feet/ankles/legs/etc hurt and they haven't... until now - the past week or so i've been hurting constantly in my legs from the knees down. so it's good that it's right at the end of the pregnancy, i can handle it - but i'm not handling it any longer than i have to - so if little poo hasn't shown her cute self by march 9, then i'm getting induced. and if i'm induced, then i will probably (but not definately) just get an epidural b/c i've heard the contractions are much worse when induced. we'll see though.

woohoo

interesting developments… 36 weeks along, not dilated yet, but i wish i was. dr. stack said next monday when i go back that we’ll do another ultrasound to get an idea of how big she is – he then said that if she’s really big he’d offer a c-section, but i want to avoid that as much as possible, which he’s cool with. he also said that if i start to dilate anytime now that he’d be ok with going on and inducing and that if i haven’t dilated by my due date that we can check me into the hospital and give me cervadil and then induce the next day – so she’ll be here soon!!! my feet and legs are swelling even more, which is to be expected this far along in the pregnancy. nick rubbed my feet last night for like an hour, it was heaven – he’s awesome.

i’m having weird dreams – like the other night i dreamt that eartha kitt was an alien, but she was nothing but goo (kinda like snot) and she was in space in her snot rocket and i had to fly a stainless steel fridgedaire up to her to mop her up b/c she spilled and there was random music which was composed of nothing but LALALALALALA and val kilmer became the governor of new mexico by bribing one person with $30,000 and bribing some woman with a dog.

i’ve had a sore throat for 4 weeks now. i’ve taken a z-pack that dr. stack prescribed to me and nothing happened, i’ve been taking sudafed to see if it’s a drainage issue, and that seems like it MIGHT be kind of helping – maybe it’s from the congestion that pregnancy causes. i hope so. at least i know i’m not contagious otherwise everyone around me would have this too – so i don’t have to worry about passing it on to lola when she’s born.

i’m getting scared of labor since it’s getting closer, but at the same time i’m super excited about it b/c that means she’ll be here. i’m also starting to have little worries like what if the 2 ultrasounds were wrong and she’s really a he and we’ve done the room all girlie and have nothing but girlie clothes. if that were to happen, i would be surprised, i would laugh about it, i’d be glad we’d already picked out a boy name... and then i’d try to see how to manly-fy a pastel pink and mint green nursery, LOL!!!

i’m so tired lately. i could literally take a nap right now. well, i guess that’s all.

the nursery

the nursery is done!!!! yay!!!! mom came over and helped us clean the whole house (we forgot the bathroom, but it's no big deal since it's so friggin' small) and put up all the laundry (which was atrocious) and we got the nursery finished and it's cute and the house is clean and i can have this baby anytime now!! seriously, let's have her, i'm ready, please! i got a pedicure today and was hoping the whole time that it'd throw me into labor, lol :)

blarggg

we got the furniture finished in the nursery!! excuse me, NICK got the furniture done in the nursery. i wasn't much help at all, although i did hold 1 piece of wood for him while he put together the crib :)
i washed an entire load of baby clothes and realized, as i was trying to put those up, that i still have an entire box full of more clothes to wash and put up (ick).
tomorrow nick and i are going to walmart to buy the mattress for the crib and mom's coming over with the bedding and to finish up the curtains and to help us clean the house to get it ready for lola poo b/c i'm so big i'm about to explode and my legs are HUGE and swollen and nick can't get it all on his own (not to say he doesn't try, it's just that at this point it's so far gone b/c we've been storing presents and baby stuff all around the house since christmas).
i'm so tired, lola's so heavy, rolling over in bed sucks, getting up to pee literally every hour sucks, my legs being so swollen sucks - seriously, my legs (feet, ankles, calves, knees, and thighs) are so swollen that pants are hard to wear b/c my legs are bigger than the legs on the pants - but my blood pressure is fine and there's no protein in my urine, so doc says it's "normal", just the sucky side of normal.
ugh.
that's all. :)

33 days and counting....

went to the doctor yesterday - i'm not dilated, but that's ok - i still have 33 days till my due date. i'll be going in every week now, so that sucks b/c i HATE internal exams. nick is worried about not being a good dad, but i know he's gonna be awesome. i just hope that i'll be as good. mom made curtains for lola's room, they're cute - hot pink with green polka dots. we got the rocking chair home so that's awesome also. we're gonna put the crib and/or the changing table together tonight. i really wanna get it finished. i need to buy baby detergent. i always thought baby detergent was just for super sensitive skinned babies or a gimmick to take your money, but i found out in birthing class (and thru reading the back labels of various detergents) that most regular detergents reduce the fire retardancy of baby clothes and blankets - so i gotta get some and wash all her clothes (all her NB and 0-3 mos clothes at least) and get 'em put up. got some thank you notes, i still need a few people's addresses, but i guess i'll do and send what i have and eventually i'll get the missing addresses and send those too.
lola keeps moving and rolling around in my belly. it's quite awkward and sometimes pretty uncomfortable, but still awesome. i'm just really ready to have her. the swelling is getting ridiculous, i no longer have toes, i have sausages. but my blood pressure is fine, my urine has no protein in it - so there's no cause for alarm. i know it's just gonna get worse before i have her, i just hope not too much worse.
we're getting the crib mattress this week also and the bedding should be in anytime now - so it's getting awesome and exciting and close and it rocks - I WANT MY BABY!!!!
man scary. we'll see what dr. stack says tomorrow.

i think i'm having contractions

well i'm gonna ask my doctor to be sure, but i think i'm having contractions - not like regular i'm-in-labor contractions, but just random getting-ready-to-really-do-it type contractions. they happen in my back, but they aren't radiating around to the front like i read they're supposed to, so i don't know if that's really what they are or not. it's happened maybe 3-5 times in the past week-ish. it happened again today about an hour ago or so. i was peeing (tmi, i don't care) and all of a sudden it started in my back and just hurt so bad i thought i was gonna fall off the toilet face first. i couldn't think of anything other than how would i get my pants back up if it didn't stop hurting... and then it went away after like 30-45 seconds. it was terrible. i'm terrified. if labor feels like that then oh my god. i can handle cramps and pain in the front/lower area of my pelvis all day long (like where normal period cramps hurt) but i'm a back wimp in a big way... oh man oh man oh man scary. we'll see what dr. stack says tomorrow.

baby shower

wow. we had such a great time! so many people came and we got so many presents that it was difficult getting them all home in one go. we are so blessed to have such great family and friends. that was awesome!!! we got the changing table we wanted and a pad and covers and clothes and bottles and diapers and diaper bags and things to clean bottles and racks to dry bottles and diaper rash stuff and blankets and kev and den redid a rocking chair for us and chase drew us a picture and we got gift cards and pacifiers and all kinds of awesome stuff. it was so much fun and donna went all out with the food and i think we're gonna be eating bruschetta for a week (that is in NO way a complaint, lol). it was fabulous! the only think i wish we had was more pics - gotta get dad and donna to email 'em to us :) i've put up the ones we have though.

bend over

so, someone just asked me, "what's the first thing you're going to do after you have the baby?" and my immediate response, without thinking was, "bend over and touch my feet".
i miss touching my feet without grunting like a pig, lol.

ick to pregnancy

i think it's high time i finally bitch about being pregnant. since this blog is more for myself than others to read, i want to remember not only the good things about being knocked up, i want to remember the bad things - so that when lola gets pregnant and asks me something, i'll be able to remember that "yea that happened to me" or "no that didn't". so.... without further ado:
why pregnancy sucks ass
while i don't hate the actual pregnancy, i hate everything bad that
i've gotten that goes along with it. i didn't get morning sickness, but
in return for that little miracle i got MASSIVE swelling in my lower
extremities. i can't bend my knees without pain, i have to actually
think about whether it's worth getting up or not. getting in the bed is
ridiculous b/c my knees feel bruised when they're touched too hard and
to get in my bed i have to crawl over to my spot so i'm on my knees for
about 5 seconds which is 5 seconds too long, i can't touch my feet, i
can't put on undies or pants without sitting down b/c i can't lift my
left leg higher than about 6 inches off the ground without searing back
pains, i can't wear shoes that aren't house shoes 2 sizes larger than i
would normally wear (from the swelling) - the vaginal discharge is more
than i ever expected and is SUPER gross - b/c of it, i've become a baby
powder-aholic and nick almost chokes on baby powder when i come
to bed b/c i sit down on the bed and there's so much powder in my
crotch that it puffs up like a cloud from my nether regions. in addition to the discharge, the baby puts pressure on my bladder and i leak pee all day long as well. i'm sick of having to use pantiliners, i was hoping to not have to buy any of those things while i was pregnant - this was a big shock to me, i didn't think i'd be the unlucky one to pee myself all day. i've
suffered constant congestion since i got pregnant, which has caused
super loud snoring (i wake myself up i'm so loud) and now nick has to wear earplugs. the heartburn is atrocious, i wake up literally
choking on a pool of stomach acid - and a new thing (as of last night)
i can't eat too much b/c i'll wake up choking on VOMIT multiple times
thru the night. so i'm going to have to switch to multiple tiny meals
throughout the day and see if that helps.if it doesn't then i've got
about 6 more weeks of this crap to deal with, NOT TO MENTION the fact
that i'm 34 weeks along and have gained 50 lbs, even though i really
haven't been eating that much more! my throat is raw and sore and no one can tell me if it's from the heartburn pooling at the back of my throat or if i'm actually sick. i think i'm actually sick, but that still doesn't help me b/c since i'm pregnant there's pretty much nothing i can do about it. i don't want to be sick when i give birth, but if this shit doesn't pass soon, i very well might!
i love my baby, i love her moving, i love carrying her and talking to her and nick rubbing my belly and talking to her and it's a wonderful thing, but there are shitty things about pregnancy too. i can only hope that when lola gets pregnant, that she gets an easy pregnancy.

well... ice

34 weeks, only about 6 more to go if i go on my due date. it iced here last night and i'm too scared to try to get to work. i know the roads aren't terrible, but i don't want to take any chances. even a 5 mile an hour fender bender could cause damage - and anyways, nick had to take the car b/c his windshield wipers broke on his way to work (so he came back and got my car). but that means we're super broke now b/c i'll be short like 12 hours at work.
yesterday was probably one of the worst days i've had at work. a sales rep was an asshole and refused to apologize and thought i was crazy for being offended at his rudeness and i tried SO hard not to let it get to me but it did and i ended up in the bathroom, crying so hard that i threw up all over myself. i haven't gotten that needlessly upset since i was like 7.
and now i just noticed we're overdrawn at the bank and b/c the bank sucks they didn't take 1 fee, they took 2 - wow, what a fucking day.

the room is done

seriously. it's done. all we gotta do is move nick's furniture up there, which ithink he and his dad are gonna do tonight/this afternoon. i'm worn outand i haven't done anywhere NEAR as much as nick and kev have today.
lola keeps rolling around, and it's quite uncomfortable.
once we're done moving the furniture upstairs we just gotta do the nursery!

maternity leave

Wow. So work is trying to screw me out of 6 weeks of my maternity leave. According to the FMLA (Family and Medical Leave Act) of 1993 I am entitled to 12 weeks unpaid leave for the birth and care of a newborn child, adopting a child, medical leave for myself, caring for a family member that has medical need – but for some reason our HR lady only sees the “medical” aspect of that and says that I only get to take 6-8 weeks depending upon the type of birth I have. How that’s right is beyond me especially considering that adoption is in no way medical for the adopting parent, so how would they say that works? Anyways, they tried this on me when I first found out I was pregnant and I thought I got ‘em cleared up on this issue and then this morning I send in my FMLA paperwork to our HR lady and she says AGAIN that I only get 6-8 weeks off b/c that’s what the doctor said was MEDICALLY NECESSARY and if Bobby or Chris want to “approve” me taking more time off they can, but they don’t have to and if I take longer than they approve that they can fire me for being absent or whatever. So I called the fucking Federal Department of Labor (they then referred me to the TN Dept. of Labor since I’m in TN) and they cleared it up for me that I’M RIGHT! So I sent our HR lady the following email:

Ok, I’m sorry - I just can’t let things die without knowing the exact specifications, the why’s, the how’s, the who’s - so just FYI (in case you run into another me in the future, LOL) - I called the Department of Labor (I called the federal number and they had me contact the TN office in Nashville since I’m in TN) and asked them to clarify: is the FMLA only for the allotted recovery time of 6-8 weeks after birth or am I allowed to take 12 weeks total under the act regardless of the time it takes to recover? They said that I get the full 12 weeks regardless of medical necessity b/c it’s for Family leave AND/OR Medical leave (not just medical leave). The number of weeks my doctor determines is medically necessary for me to recover has nothing to do with the leave as it applies to childbirth and FMLA b/c the remaining weeks in the leave would then be considered Family leave – I’m allowed to take up to 12 weeks leave (or shorter if I determine I would like a shorter leave) to have the child and care for the child.

So her only response was “Cool, thanks” and I’m sure that was short for “You’re an irritating bitch that refuses to take the answers given to her and I hate to be proven wrong” but whatever – I refuse to allow them to cut short my time with my child. They’ve done that to 2 other employees here and I’m not going to be one of those b/c while it might have been OK for them, it’s not for me. Granted, pointing out where mistakes are made on the part of the company is a surefire way to get on the shit-list here (and is how a warehouse worker who’d been here for 35 years just got forced into retirement), but I’m still not bending on that issue. They have to abide by federal law, damnit, and I want my time off with Lola. She’s far more important than any job.

good times...

alrighty!! some excitement - the crib is in!!! we gotta go get it, but it's in and that's awesome. have a dr. appointment today and nick is gonna get to come. he hasn't been able to make it the past few visits, so this'll be his first time to hear her heartbeat (YAY). we got upstairs finished - well all the hard stuff is done. now all we have to do is mud a couple small holes/gaps in the sheetrock on the outside facing wall (to keep air from getting in/out/etc) and hang carpet on the walls and put it on the floors. i think we'll do some of that today. kev's been such a great help in getting it done and jimmy helping out with the electrical and eddie helping frame that door and the wall around the water heater - awesome. yay for ppl helping out! i'm so glad den and kev let us use their home depot card (which we should be able to pay them off at the end of this month), without it i don't think we woulda gotta this done - and once upstairs is carpeted (or at least 1 wall and the floor) we can tear down the furniture in the downstairs room (which is all that's left down there as the rest is in the attic on the other side of his room) and get it upstairs so we can start on the nursery. after that the only thing we'll need to make sure of is that we get a hole cut in the wall and a window unit put in and a vent thingie in the roof to ensure proper air circulation and to keep it from getting so hot that it ruins nick's stuff this summer.
we've been doing our birth class on mondays - we've gone to 2 so far. we're learning breathing techniques, and there's a free class offered in february that i think nick and i are gonna go to and it's for more relaxation/pain relief stuff for ppl that want natural birth (like us).
so exciting :) she's not kicking anymore, she's run out of room. now she pokes and rolls, it's quite uncomfortable, but still awesome. i love watching my stomach randomly move, lol :)
especially when I explain that not even mom is going to be in there. I do feel a little bad b/c I was so excited to have mom and her in the room with me and Nick this whole time, but as I get closer to term I find myself rethinking things like that. It’s like it’s seeming more real now and it’s seeming like less of a group event, if that makes sense.

who's on first?

Well, I’ve changed my mind again (after talking with Nick last night). We only want me and him to be there when the baby’s born. Mom and our friends/family can visit during labor and after delivery, but for the actual birth, we want just me and him. It feels much better to me to know it’ll just be us. We’re the ones that created this little life, I want us to be the ones that welcome her first and so does he. He also said that he doesn’t like to show his emotions to anyone other than me (I’m sure he’ll forget that there are doctors and nurses in there). I’ve told mom which was the hardest thing to do b/c I was terrified she’d be upset, but she was surprisingly encouraging about it. She said she understands that it’s an intimate time and that it’s best to be shared with just me and him – so that’s a load off. Now I have to tell Lucy, I haven’t talked to her in a couple weeks so I gotta call her and maybe go for coffee or something so I can tell her. She’ll be fine with it, especially when I explain that not even mom is going to be in there. I do feel a little bad b/c I was so excited to have mom and her in the room with me and Nick this whole time, but as I get closer to term I find myself rethinking things like that. It’s like it’s seeming more real now and it’s seeming like less of a group event, if that makes sense.

31 weeks today

wow, 9 weeks to go. i slept the day away on the couch, just got up about 15 minutes ago. nothing new to report. v8 splash tropical blend rocks my socks, as do lemon poppy seed muffins - i'm sure that'll change in the next coupla days, lol. well, there is one kinda new thing - i think i felt her head today. i was laying on the couch watching tv and i had my hands on my belly and, as usual, she starting rolling around and making me feel awkward and stuff (like rolling things in your belly does), and this gigantic mound of baby just moved across my belly under my hands - kinda like a freaking bowling ball moving across my stomach. absolutely the weirdest feeling EVAR (but cool)!
maya's worrying me (our big dog). she's all of a sudden started growling at lulu when she never did or would have before. we had lulu first and then got maya in '03, so they've been together for almost 6 years now - it's weird. like, lulu will walk by maya while maya has a treat and maya will seriously growl at her and i'll mack maya and tell her no and she stops (which when she was a puppy all it took was one good time and she was never aggressive again), but it's like it doesn't do any good now. lulu is a shih tzu, all it would take would be one bite from maya (rott mix) and it'd be over for her. just now maya was in her kennel hanging out and there was a toy bunny NEAR her kennel, so lulu walked over to sniff the bunny and maya growled at lulu for being NEAR her kennel. i don't know what to do. it's not like her at all. she's always so gentle and kind and sweet, but the past couple weeks it's like she's becoming mean or something.